That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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