It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
