Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
