so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
