either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
