It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
