I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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