She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize