i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize