we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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