Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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