We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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