Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
