The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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