Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
