I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
