cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
