he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
