I accidentally burped into my bong.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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