just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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