Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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