I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
