Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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