well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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