Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
