white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
