i jhust puked up my retainher.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
