Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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