i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
