Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
