Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
