Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
there is glitter all over my balls
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
