how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
