I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
