The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
