Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
