Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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