Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
