I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
