I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it hurts more in the daytime
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
