Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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