I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
