Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
