A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
