she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I want to fling myself into the sun
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
