Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
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I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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