I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
