Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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