Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
