can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My life is pants optional.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
