Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
