I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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