Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
