i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
