i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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