32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
