I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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