dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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