Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.