Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.