We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...