i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She's like a pop up book from hell.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky