no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
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I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.