Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized

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  (913): So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized http://tfl.nu/gtwy
  Replies (53) Good night (5093) Bad night (997)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.

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  (410): it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed. http://tfl.nu/fe66
  Replies (5) Good night (803) Bad night (1461)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet

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  (339): i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet http://tfl.nu/r3gc
  Replies (29) Good night (9937) Bad night (1583)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store

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  (520): just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store http://tfl.nu/shho
  Replies (12) Good night (3904) Bad night (1117)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go

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  (973): Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go http://tfl.nu/5ipt
  Replies (2) Good night (2922) Bad night (750)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.

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  (519): I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore. http://tfl.nu/9p2a
  Replies (4) Good night (1332) Bad night (829)
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  (518): View more from New York

  The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.

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  (518): The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke. http://tfl.nu/afl9
  Replies (6) Good night (555) Bad night (2533)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List

  (914): View more from New York

  Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)

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  (914): He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List (914): Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired) http://tfl.nu/bfp9
  Replies (28) Good night (1804) Bad night (886)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...

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  (803): Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement... http://tfl.nu/7rvh
  Replies (13) Good night (1470) Bad night (855)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.

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  (651): Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation. http://tfl.nu/3ty8
  Replies (3) Good night (587) Bad night (606)
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  (716): View more from New York

  He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.

  (585): View more from New York

  Find him and marry him.

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  (716): He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night. (585): Find him and marry him. http://tfl.nu/d6kn
  Replies (5) Good night (2314) Bad night (574)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?

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  (330): She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water? http://tfl.nu/897n
  Replies (2) Good night (1175) Bad night (341)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  Dreams are coming true for both of us.

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  (419): I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest. (1-419): Dreams are coming true for both of us. http://tfl.nu/6zn2
  Replies (1) Good night (801) Bad night (263)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.

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  (704): Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls. http://tfl.nu/ygpr
  Replies (1) Good night (378) Bad night (309)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising

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  (248): Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising http://tfl.nu/k4n8
  Replies (3) Good night (496) Bad night (345)

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