Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"

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  (972): Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88" http://tfl.nu/q0w3
  Replies (58) Good night (4918) Bad night (777)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.

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  (732): Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest. http://tfl.nu/jp7b
  Replies (36) Good night (6466) Bad night (2558)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine

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  (+44): I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine http://tfl.nu/3ins
  Replies (4) Good night (1851) Bad night (897)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.

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  (517): Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember. http://tfl.nu/2slr
  Replies (13) Good night (2693) Bad night (826)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.

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  (303): Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear. http://tfl.nu/k7jc
  Replies (18) Good night (3757) Bad night (706)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit

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  (910): i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit http://tfl.nu/ocpj
  Replies (18) Good night (4194) Bad night (870)
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  (914): View more from New York

  he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.

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  (914): he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting. http://tfl.nu/z57t
  Replies (8) Good night (516) Bad night (1762)
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  (714): View more from California

  I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed

  (949): View more from California

  Someone's stooooned

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  (714): I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed (949): Someone's stooooned http://tfl.nu/d50z
  Replies (13) Good night (2037) Bad night (683)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."

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  (330): At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS." http://tfl.nu/bswl
  Replies (1) Good night (1140) Bad night (927)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward

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  (717): It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward http://tfl.nu/5j4d
  Replies (3) Good night (762) Bad night (903)
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  (310): View more from California

  Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year

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  (310): Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year http://tfl.nu/x1ad
  Replies (4) Good night (1174) Bad night (493)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth

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  (203): Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth http://tfl.nu/ampl
  Replies (3) Good night (525) Bad night (381)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.

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  (941): Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked. http://tfl.nu/l2tu
  Replies (1) Good night (291) Bad night (754)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket

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  (317): you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket http://tfl.nu/45qc
  Replies (2) Good night (293) Bad night (500)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW

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  (828): SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW http://tfl.nu/qxvo
  Replies (0) Good night (389) Bad night (165)

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