hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...