I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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