he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
